Denial

I would like to start this month by quoting a psalm that has carried a lot of weight in my own recovery. Psalm 32: 1-5 (NIV).

“Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the lord does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of the summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said I will confess my transgressions to the lord. And you forgave the guilt of my sin”.

I am not a bible scholar, nor do I profess to be, but that particular psalm spoke to me and brought me to tears. You see, I lived that life. I sinned, I was deceitful, I complained constantly thinking the world owed me something more than I felt I was getting. When I finally admitted that I could no longer live with the heaviness of shame and guilt, anger, and blaming everyone and everything for my problems. When I finally stopped denying that my past hurts and hang ups were causing me to live a life of misery, I confessed all that I had done and the way I had lived, and my sins were not only forgiven they were forgotten. Guilt, shame, anger, and so much more, washed away!

It's funny how denial in our lives can cause so much pain. Which brings me to my main topic for the month. Lesson 1, denial.

First the lesson asks us some important questions.

• Am I going to let my past failures prevent me from taking this journey?

• Am I afraid to change or, what are my fears of the future?

Denial has been defined as “a false system of beliefs that are not based on reality” and “ a self-protecting behavior that keeps us from honestly facing the truth”. As kids we all learned various coping skills. They came in handy when we didn’t get the attention we wanted from our parents or others, or to block our pain and our fears. For a time, these coping skills worked, but as we got older these coping skills grew into denial in some form. Lesson 1 uses an acrostic to help us understand what denial can look like in our lives.

Disables our feelings

Energy lost

Negates growth

Isolates us from relationships

Alienates us from relationships

Lengthens the pain

Walking out of denial is not easy, taking off that false mask is hard. Everything within you shouts, don’t do it. It’s not safe! But it is safe, everyone at celebrate recovery is here because we have all stepped out of denial and realized that we need help to overcome all our fears, habits, hang ups, and addictions. Here, at celebrate recovery you will find people who respect you for who you are. We will not try to fix you, we leave that to the expert, Jesus Christ. We will stand beside you and walk with you through your journey as truth becomes a way of life. John 8:32 states “know the truth and the truth will set you free”. Until next month, blessings to you all, have a safe and joyous Christmas! 

- Don Bonney